XXII - Paige
This
was a very bad idea, Paige thought as she walked slowly down the long
corridor, a few turns, now, from where she would have been able to see Josh, I
should have stayed with him. We could
have explored both ways together if we had tried but I… She didn’t want to finish that thought. She was ashamed of herself. She should have been thinking of Charlie, of
a way to save that poor boy. Even if
she had been thinking of her own survival first, it would have been better than
fantasising about the impossible.
And it
was impossible. She had sworn to David
that she would never do it again and their arguments had always stemmed from
the fact that he simply didn’t believe, though he stayed with her nonetheless. Had she really believed it herself? She didn’t know, but her feelings just a few
minutes ago told her everything she needed to know about her own weakness.
I can’t
let that happen again, she thought, but I don’t know if I have the
strength to resist. She might not
give in that night, she realised, but she was sure that, if they all managed to
survive, she would be tempted again, and again, and again, because there were
always attractive young men out there.
One day, maybe even one day soon, she would succumb. So how do I escape? she wondered, How
can I ever be strong enough?
Her
thoughts, and the corridor, came to a dead end. She was so lost in her mental landscape and the physical one
finished so abruptly that she almost walked into the wall. She stared at it in confusion for a moment,
then scanned the corridor around her.
There was nothing, no fire escape, no water cooler, no cleaning accommodation
or ventilation system. There was
absolutely no reason for the corridor to come this way and then to end so
suddenly. There was nothing to do but
walk back the way she had come.
Maybe
I missed a door, she wondered, but as she traced her steps she found that
the walls were completely blank and featureless all the way back to the
junction where she had left Josh. The
corridor twisted and turned several times along that length, but there seemed
to be no reason for any of it. It left
her with an uneasy feeling, but there was also a sense of relief that nothing
had been able to harm and that there was a clear way ahead. She could only follow Josh and once they were
together again she knew she’d feel a bit more secure.
But I
have to watch myself with him now. I
can’t just give in to temptation. If
only I could find the strength.
She
remembered something then, a line of scripture from her childhood, something
picked up at a rare visit to Sunday School when her mother had been feeling
vulnerable during a fight with her father and had taken them to a friend’s
church. She couldn’t remember where in
the bible it was from, wouldn’t have been able to find it even if she had, and
had no idea if the wording was correct, but the verse rose up in her mind,
unbidden, nonetheless.
Remember
I commanded you to be strong and brave, for the Lord your God is with you.
She
almost laughed at the absurdity of it, remembering fragments of a childish ‘memory
verse’ from decades ago, but there seemed to be something terribly serious
about the memory, like she actually needed to use it.
Is
that where I’m supposed to get my strength from, she wondered?
Her
thoughts were completely interrupted when a loud banging sounded echoed along
the corridor before her, followed by a frantic scrabbling and then,
“Help! Help me!
Someone, please!”
Oh
god! It was Josh. Oh god, what’s happening, what do I do? He sounded terrified, more so than Paige
could recall him sounding all night. He
was hysterical. And that noise! It was impossible to describe, even thinking
of the memory of it was difficult for Paige, but it was like a silence dubbed
in over the top of sound and yet it was slick and sharp and hateful.
“Help me,
please!” Josh screamed, sobbed, and pounded once more.
I have
to help him, Paige realised and, thinking of the verse she had just
recalled, said a silent prayer that she might be able to face whatever was
ahead, then she ran, breathless, pounding, to the rescue.
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