I - Paige
The
evening air was frosty. Breath hung
suspended in thin white clouds, coloured orange by a low winter sun. It made Paige think of smoke, of cigarette
smoke. She needed another.
She slid
a numbing hand into a tight jeans pocket and pulled out a battered white
packet. Her hands shook slightly from
the cold as she opened it and carefully drew out a slightly dented
cigarette. The packet was slid back
into place and then the other hand mirrored its partner and withdrew a
lighter. It took three flicks to light
and then she was inhaling, exhaling; release.
A
light fog was rolling up the street towards the apartments. She could see it weaving its way through the
cemetery down the hill, caressing the gravestones, shot through with sunset
rays caught on bare branches. The sound
of evening traffic was fading away. A
dog barked from one of the apartments upstairs. A teenager had left a window open and the sound of a guitar band
spilled down on top of her.
Inhale. Exhale. Release.
Her
hands were getting colder. She could
feel the chill sinking into the bone and the numbness following behind it. She could feel the soft breeze stinging her
eyes. Patches of frost dotted the car
park. It would be warm inside,
but... Inhale. Exhale.
Release.
She
dropped the butt to the paving slab at her feet and stamped it out hurriedly
before shuffling through the half-open door into the relative warmth of the
hallway. The door clicked shut loudly,
echoing down the corridor and up the stairwell, announcing her presence to
every flat in the building. She could
almost hear the ears at the doors, waiting for drama, hearts beating so fast,
ready for each word, each shout, each scream and all because there was nothing
better on the television tonight. She
hated it, but there was nowhere else to go, not tonight anyway. Maybe tomorrow.
Always
tomorrow.
Her
footsteps sounded flat and empty, ghostlike, as she made her way back up three
flights of stairs to the apartment past industrial beige walls and bubble gum
blue graffiti. The evening cries of a
baby stabbed through from the second floor and as the door to the third floor
came into view Paige began to feel sick.
She
collapsed against the wall at the top of the stairs, taking deep breaths. Her chest felt tight, her stomach was
aching, there was a lump forming in her throat she couldn't just swallow
away. She needed another cigarette.
Ignoring
the door she walked over to the edge of the stairwell and looked down. She felt dizzy, a swirling vertigo that had
nothing to do with heights. More to do
with depths, she would have thought, not physical ones, but emotional, mental;
the depths a soul can sink to. The
tightening in her chest increased. She
wanted to cry. She couldn't.
She
made the journey back down the stairs look almost graceful. She could have run, but that would have made
too much noise, attracted more attention and she was sick of all that. She wanted her personal sins to remain
private. That one other person, the one
person she had tried so hard to keep them from, now knew them so intimately was
bad enough, she didn't need others to work it out.
So
when she pushed through the doors to the ground floor corridor with a soft
squeak and found the young man leaning against the wall opposite, she felt her
heart leap into her mouth.
"Evening." He said casually as she passed on her way to
the door once again.
She
nodded, trying not to show any of her turmoil, not to draw him into any
conversation which might force it out of her.
He drifted out of the corners of her eyes, a vague shadow blurring to
nothingness, and then she felt the icy air once more and let the frozen mist
wash over her. It had spread so
quickly. It always did. As fine a metaphor for her attempts to conceal
one lie, then another, as nature could ever summon up. The thought raised a weak smile. Her fingers worked their skeletal little
dance once more and then it was Inhale, exhale-
"A
bit cold for that isn't it?"
She
nearly choked. The young man had pushed
through the door behind her so stealthily, she hadn't noticed at all, and now
he stood beside her, his air condensing as he spoke in hot little clouds of
moisture. She shivered, took a calming
breath and ignored him.
He
fumbled about in a denim jacket pocket and pulled out his own packet of
cigarettes. His hands were steady, she
noticed, although she kept drawing her eyes away from those masculine young
fingers, knowing that in their confidence they held only more guilt.
"Mind
if I join you?" He said at last,
holding the cigarette towards her. She
blinked, then realised she still held her lighter in one hand. She half shrugged, half nodded and then
raised the light to his mouth. He took
a long drag and then exhaled playfully.
She could see the addiction in his pale blue eyes.
They
stood in silence as the mist thickened around them and the golden evening hues
faded through purple dusk to dark blue night and the cemetery faded out of
sight. It suddenly seemed very quiet.
"You
look tense." He was looking at her
now, not just smoking companionably but engaging her. It made her uncomfortable.
She didn't reply.
"I...
uh. I noticed you were out before. Saw you from my window." She shivered again, her hands shaking as the
cold resumed its steady march through her bones. "You looked really lost, you know. I just thought you might like some company."
Paige
couldn't help but laugh. Then she
ripped the cigarette, half finished, from her lips and stamped it out beside
the others. She had made quite a pile
this evening.
"That's
the sort of invitation that got me into this mess in the first
place." She turned to face
him. He looked so earnest, but also
sad. It didn't matter. "You're too young for me, so... good
night."
Turning
she pulled open the door cone more and made to go inside. His hand gripped her arm suddenly.
"You
deserve better than him, you know that?
I've watched the two of you. You
should- you should leave him."
Such a tight grip, it almost hurt, but not as much as it would later on,
if she followed through.
"And
run off with you, perhaps?" She
gave a wry smile. "You're still a
boy. Life isn't that simple. You'll learn." She shook her arm free. "Good night."
The
lights hadn't come on in the hallway.
Paige wasn't surprised. Power
cuts were common, although more usually after storms. She wondered if the power station had been hit. It didn't matter though, she could find her
way upstairs without any light. It was
a worn old path already. As she
listened to the silence and the punctuation marks of her footsteps, she
couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy she had abandoned at the door. It would have been fun, but then, there was
always tomorrow.
II - ???
He
had watched the lights fade, first the sunlight, then the street lamps. The power cut had flickered across the
apartment complex in a small wave, pools of sodium-lit fog vanishing into
darkness. The old mausoleum had stood
alone for a second, lit by the last of the lamps, and then it too had gone.
He
had stared out the window for a few minutes afterwards before making his way
into his kitchen, rummaging through the dark for the candles and matches and
then lighting them, with the precision of ritual, and placing them around his
flat.
He pulled a book from the book case, lay down on his sofa so that the candle on the coffee table gave sufficient light to read by, pulled a blanket over his legs and began to read.
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