XIII - Paige
Paige was
dreaming.
She was standing in a
corridor, all alone, with a decision to make.
There were bright lights in either direction, but the section of the
corridor she was in was quite dark. One
way, she knew, led to her home, to her husband and to a normal life. The other way led to a nightclub, or
somewhere like that, filled with young men who would worship her. She couldn’t remember how she had got there,
or if she had come from one direction or the other, but she knew that didn’t
really matter. The decision, of course,
was which way did she go now?
Once
upon a time it would have been an easy decision. The comforts of home weren’t really comforts at all. Her marriage with David had always been a
bit rocky. They didn’t communicate the
way a married couple should and they ended up having fierce arguments over
every little thing. There were very few
apologies and there was absolutely no room for forgiveness, at least, not from
Paige at any rate. David had
taken her back after several affairs, after all, but even then, Paige
suspected, he had never really forgiven her.
For him it was just easier to accept her back than to lose her,
regardless of the emotional turmoil and the next string of arguments.
No,
there were no home comforts and the lights of the nightclub seemed so bright
and colourful. She thought of the men
there, boys compared to her, really, and how they would have so much energy. They would all be athletic, at the peak of
their physical health, and so cocksure they would approach a woman like herself
with no hesitation if it meant the chance of an easy lay. She knew she was just an object to boys like
that, to boys like Josh, and whilst that could never really satisfy her, it
filled a gap, for a little while.
It
would have been a very easy choice once upon a time.
But
now it seemed there was something appealing about home. She had begun to miss David during the
course of the night and in the dream world her pangs had grown and grown and
grown, until it felt like she was missing a part of herself. The lights of the nightclub were just as
bright as ever, but she felt shame when she thought of what went on there. She needed to apologise, she realised. She needed to be forgiven.
It was
not an easy decision, but she made it with one small step towards the light and
the next step was a little lighter, as was the one after that and the one after
that. Soon she was walking with
ease, feeling lighter and unburdened
and when the light before her resolved, not into her home, but into a church,
she understood that that had been the point all-
Paige woke
up suddenly, not knowing why. She was
surrounded by the thick, velvety darkness of the department store, but her eyes
were pretty well adjusted to the dark now and she could make out the lumpy
shapes of Henry and Charlie on the other chairs in the room set. She glanced over to where Josh had been
sitting and saw nothing at all.
“Josh?”
she whispered, “Josh are you there?”
There was
no reply, but Henry began to stir across from her.
“Huh?” he
managed, then glanced over to Josh’s seat and added, “Where’s he gone?”
Paige
realised that she didn’t have an answer and panic began to set in once more.
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